Humour in Real Life Part 1

Life has been good to me, have spent significant time travelling, faced various situations and when one looks back, many were rather funny but usually in hindsight. These can lose their sting when written, but I still try. They are not in any order.

Gujarat Hotel:

Joined a new company and many of us at a senior level were new to the company and each other. Met up in our hotel room on the eve of a meeting in Gujarat – a dry state. Invariably the conversation came to getting alcohol and none knew what to do. One guy had a bright idea and picking up the phone ordered in a friendly but all-knowing voice – Ask Pinto to send it to the room. Obviously, there was some confusion at the other end, but my colleague confidently said – don’t worry yaar, Pinto knows everything, just tell him. Line disconnected and we ask – who’s this Pinto? He says – I don’t know but usually every hotel will have a guy named Pinto !!!!!!.

Now Gujarat can have lakhs of Patel’s but not Pinto, a very Goan name but our friend was confident his ruse will work. Soon the phone rang, a senior chap talks and our friend tells him – Yaar Pinto knows everything, he usually arranges such stuff, so just tell him to send it to the room. The chap is smarter and asks for clarity on what’s required to be sent to the room. Now, languages can create inadvertent confusions. In hindi our colleague says – usko bejna (loosely translated this would be “send him/ her”). Unless the other person knows what, you are referring to, this can be a valid 3^rd person object or a person. Line disconnected.

Soon, a tap on the door and in walks the General Manager of the hotel, a stern expression on his face ready to admonish a guest only to find 5 people in the room. His look was sheer horror and surprise. At a loss for words, he restarts the discussion about what we needed. My colleague, his patience finally running out says – arrey boss, we are asking for some beer, can’t you arrange that? The GM luckily had a sense of humour. He started laughing and said – Sir, from that time you are referring to some Pinto, asking to send something to the room and then say – usko bhejna. What are we supposed to think? We are a respectable hotel, and we thought Pinto was some pimp and you were expecting some woman to be sent to the room. The whole staff are in tension ever since you called.

While my colleague looked mortified we were rolling with laughter since till then this interpretation had never stuck us. The GM was so relieved that he sent complimentary snacks for all of us.

Kakinada hotel:

Me and a foreign educated Kerala colleague were travelling on work in Andhra Pradesh. The train was late, and we reached our hotel close to midnight. Unable to get food enroute we were famished. As we went up to the rooms the ever-helpful hotel bell boy accompanied us. My colleague using a Tamil phrase asked for Curd rice (Thyr saadam). This excited the bellboy no end.

Before we realised what was happening this bellboy was arranging a girl for him for the night. He started giving him a big sales pitch, in Telugu, about how the girl was good looking, young, healthy, no disease, good, very good and so on. My friend, poor chap had no clue what was happening except that he understood the word girl and adjectives used. Deciding to correct the bellboy the conversation went back and forth – Girl, curd rice, very good, curd rice, beautiful, curd rice, no disease, curd rice and so on. By then I was literally holding my stomach laughing and when I could catch my breath, spoke in Telugu and deflated the bell boys enthusiasm saying that all we wanted was curd rice (Perugu annam) and nobody else.

Sardarji on platform:

I was standing on the Mumbai CST platform waiting to board my train and the area was rather empty except for a young Sardarji couple and their boisterous, hyperactive young son. The couple were engrossed in some subject talking to each other seriously while the kid maybe 3 or 4 years old ran around all over the place having fun. Suddenly kid spied the old-style weighing machine with its kaleidoscopic colours spinning and was enthralled but knew what it was.

He started pestering the father for a coin and after trying in vain to dissuade the boy, he gave him a coin and the couple continued talking. The kid found he couldn’t reach the slot and called out to his father who came by, absently picked him up, the boy inserted the coin, father put him down and walked away.

After the usual whirring and buzzing the machine threw out a card which the kid took to his father. Father looked at the card and the weight – obviously Zero – as the boy was hanging in mid-air while inserting coin. He told the boy – I told you the machine was not working but you did not listen.

I was smiling given the fact that it involved a Sardarji but then the couple had more serious issues for them to realise what happened.

Vayudoot breakfast:

Taking a very early morning Vayudoot airlines flight from Delhi to Kanpur via Lucknow, I was hungry and in the first leg the air hostess served us a tiny plastic bag with one candy and cotton for the ears. Assumed that breakfast would be served in the next leg, I was chagrined to find the same hostess giving me the same small plastic bag with one candy. Hungry and sarcastic, I asked – “Ma’am is this the Vayudoot breakfast?” The lovely lady, smiled, took one more bag and waving it in front of my face, leaned forward and with a million watt smile told me – “No sir, this is the Vayudoot Lunch and Dinner also”.

Handling the boss:

Me and colleague, both fresh from college were pushed into working on a project that had one too many bosses all of whom insisted on having their way leaving us, the 2 wet behind the ears youngsters close to tears – since we caught 100% of their rivalry, ego etc in the form of their anger. Overnight we became adults and being young, brash, unforgiving and soon uncaring with a devil may care attitude. We realised that two could play the game and so we did what we wanted to and blamed one or the other boss knowing they wouldn’t check with each other.

You don’t always get away scot free and there were times we got caught and got an earful. Soon we also developed a sort of deafness, and we would stand with a suitably ashamed look while we didn’t hear anything. On one such occasion the General Manager, a very nice chap, a scientist, totally unsuited for administrative work, found himself catching the wrong end of the stick having to answer the big boss for something the two of us had done. The poor harassed chap was admonishing us, as we stood like school kids – deaf and staring at the wall behind him.

Our silence irked him no end and his voice got louder and louder, all to no avail. Finally, it reached its crescendo and in Gujarati screamed – “Tamaaro problem su chhe?” – meaning “What is your problem?”. My colleague without batting an eye lid said – Sex. The man was literally in apoplexy and could have had a heart attack. His voice now a tiny whisper, literally in tears asks us – “You do such things and then you tell the GM that your problem is sex?”. I was too shocked to laugh and kept staring at the wall.

PLEASE NOW READ THE 2ND PART WHICH IS LINKED BELOW

Humour in Real Life - Part 2