Opinions DONT matter

A few quick thoughts as I came across an argument between friends in a group.

Way back in 2001 when 9/11 happened or in 2008 when 26/11 happened life did change but again as a world, it affected a part of us. The rest could still act as a countervailing force to support, help, and maintain balance.

In early 2020 we led what was called normal life. We travelled, met family, friends, colleagues, and we talked, had fun, shared meals, coffee, argued, fought, made up and if at all anybody was in stress it was usually, one of us, as an individual. If one was down, there were many others around us who could pick us up, support us, encourage and motivate us. This applied not just to individuals but also countries.

But 2020 affected and changed life for every single human being on the planet. Within days, sometimes hours and minutes we saw cities like New York and London to Mumbai and Rome simply shut down. The only noise we heard was that of wailing ambulances in a non stop banshee 24 x 7. Healthcare infrastructure crumbled globally and based on who controlled the narrative we heard stories of heroism, despair, life and death - magnified. Statistics were just that – numbers.

Suddenly, we refused to step out of home, refused to meet family and friends, and if we did, we refused to go anywhere near them. Even if we were ready, maybe they were not, and if they were ready, maybe we were not. From chatting and debating across conference and office tables, in parks and coffee shops, we moved to squinting our eyes as we peered at each face on a small screen – laptop, tablet or mobile – it was small, smaller or smallest – nothing real.

Like that proverbial monkey and child drowning we were each scrambling to protect ourselves. If we heard that someone was sick or even died, we did not run to hospitals and crematoriums without a second thought. We debated, argued, analysed and more often than not, we stayed at home or at best we showed our face and ran back – praying and hoping we would be fine.

If we had family in a different town or even country our very real terror was, is, that if they needed help, nobody would help them, we could not travel to help them and even if we had our private jet there was no guarantee that we would be allowed to travel, enter, go directly to meet our loved ones. For that matter even amongst ourselves this could be unlikely. That in one city alone, the last rites of 1,200 people were recently performed by a minister because their families did not claim the body/ashes is not fiction but a gruesome fact.

One could be a millionaire with mansions or a homeless beggar – the only thing that separated the two was that one had a hearty meal and put on weight while the other starved more than before. That apart, no doctor, no medicines, no nothing could save them from agony, suffering and death. “Force Majeure” had created an equal society in as brutal a manner as possible.

Again, millionaire or beggar, life was abnormal and created stress. If anybody says that they are not under stress, they are lying or in denial. This is a time when nothing should matter to each of us within our circle of family and friends. Whatever is happening around the world, there is little we can do to bring change. At best we may bring change in the life of a few others, just like we always did, but maybe a few extra this time, but not the world.

Based on our work, what efforts we take, how much we donate, we may help 1, 10, or even a 100,000 but the world has 7 billion people and each country several millions. To think that we are making a difference to society as a whole is fallacious. Each of us need to understand that we can debate world events, personalities, decisions but we can do zilch to control it or influence it. At best we can add to the cacophony of the noises. Whatever we do is more a distraction and a delusion that we are involved, making a difference. To put it crudely, many a situation in the world today – be it vaccinations or hospital beds or even cremating/burying the dead - is like having a baby with no known delivery time. Putting more people on the “job” so to speak will make no difference. And yet to we talk of the global events and people, as if we controlled it.

Every opinion on anything, is like self-gratification instead of sex. You enjoy it alone and matters nothing to others. To bring all these myriad opinions we have on events and issues globally into friendships, family and to let them affect this relationship is being downright silly to put it mildly. Every opinion is like an asshole, everybody has one and guess what, our shit stinks too unless we are one of those animals whose poop is used in perfumes.

Each one of us are stressed and since we refuse to acknowledge it, we think all these grandiose opinions we have are a matter of life and death for the community, city, state, country, globe. We get upset if anybody has an opinion different from ours or even if they poke fun. Thanks to the Pandemic we have started taking life so seriously that we get offended because somebody said the virus is China’s biological warfare, or WHO mishandled it, whether one vaccine is better than the other, what name is given to a virus, or even if they said that Bill Gates is involved. Whether such kind of opinions have value or not, none of us know. If we did, we would not be on any Whatsapp group, to pontificate on it.

We get offended because someone said one state, or one person handled things better than someone else. Maybe so, but ask yourself the question, do we seriously believe that we in our lives and careers have always done a great job and are the best 100% of the time, just because we are considered a success, rich, CEO, Chairman whatever? Delusional if we said yes. Each of us have mucked up, failed, learnt and grown.  We have our secrets we keep locked up tight.

Yet many of us have this grandiose delusion that our opinion of a Putin or Trump, Biden or Modi, Xi or Boris or for that matter on Pharma industry, Vaccination strategy, Economic policy or about a country USA, China, India or even Race, Religion, Colour, Community MATTERS. Get real, it does not. If it were, then we would not be spending time on such Whatsapp groups and more importantly we would know when to keep our mouth shut. The best we can do is have the courage to demonstrate what we preach or at least practise and influence within our circle of influence – provided they listen and obey.

The bottom line is not that we should not have an opinion or debate everything from America’s Afghan policy to Xi’s underwear colour but stop taking ourself seriously, stop being sensitive to others opinions unless they called us names, stop taking every comment seriously and micro anlaysing it to death and stop allowing all these to come in the way of our relationships. Most importantly, accept the fact that the underwear colour we like will be disliked by someone else and the Afghan policy we dislike will be appreciated by someone else. Groups need to learn what topics to avoid, what to debate and most importantly, how to react to differences of opinion by letting go – it DOES NOT matter. Those who cannot, can go write blogs or tweet and engage with those who agree with them.

Remember, even after vaccination you can still get infected, have complications, and die. When earlier this year a family member died of Covid, the daily statistics in the front page of the newspaper showed – one person died in the city the previous day – that one from family. So, statistical analysis can give you great confidence, but remember you can be that one. Life is too short. Live it to the fullest and look for that sunlight peeping out from behind the clouds, look for the good news, look for friends who share positive stuff even if it is a joke or a song or whatever.

In short, get real, accept every one of us is stressed in our own ways as we live a un-natural life, So please, De-stress and start living life before it is too late and we lose the friends and family we have just because they have a rainbow of opinions, feelings, behaviour, habits, attitude and end up in a echo chamber with padded walls or worse, become “The late”. 

Following my own advice - I did not go pontificate by reacting on the group - I wrote this blog. Feel free to agree, disagree - based on how it makes you feel, as long as makes you feel good. It does not change me or you.