My MOST hilarious meeting

It was in the days post 26/11 terror attacks when my boss and I brainstormed on what security solutions we could offer to the country at large given that there was heightened interest among the armed forces, security agencies, private companies and others. Amongst a suite of solutions that we did come up with one stood out for its possibilities and to my mind is relevant even today. However our archaic laws prevent such cost saving, service enhancing solutions.  But the main purpose of this blog is to share what turned out to be the most hilarious meeting in my life. Words will fail to do justice to it since the actual incident was accompanied by action, voice, expressions, and reactions in a conference room. The reader needs to imagine the situation.

My Boss had indefatigable energy, enthusiasm that could put a teenager to shame, an ability to think out of the box that was incredible and an unlimited imagination. Sometimes the last named ran away and this meeting was one such.

The solution we had planned was simple. Access to banking services was still a dream to the millions of rural populace who continued to depend upon money lenders and such middlemen at high cost. Setting up bank branches in each village was impractical in every which way you can. Barring for public sector banks that under political pressure did some token service, the private sector was no where present. The answer was a mobile banking solution inspired by the Anand/ AMUL pattern veterinary medical solution where every village gets high quality healthcare access for cows/buffaloes which even humans don’t get.

The solution we came up with was an armoured vehicle that was designed to carry cash, have say 2 officers in it and an ex-serviceman as driver. The vehicle would be designed so that it was tracked by GPS in real time by a central control room, would have automatic distress signalling capabilities if attacked and being armoured would have reasonably good protection. The vehicle would be designed such as to open a window on one side like a counter using which customers could transact with the mobile bank. The vehicle would have computers linked to the internet so that transactions were uploaded in real time.  Over time the bank could encourage/educate customers to switch to smart cards/ credit cards so that the amount of cash carried was reduced.  This vehicle would run designated routes over certain villages every day and thus a certain area would get this mobile banking system say once a week.

The idea excited us; we put together a plan, potential support partners to provide required solutions and then tried to get potential customers interested. Like I said before archaic laws & a depressed investment mood made it difficult but we found one interested customer who sought a detailed presentation and meeting with his board.

The presentation started well and was received well and the board excited to know more. The armoured vehicle and its support services would entail substantial capital cost even if mobile and require many changes to traditional thinking/working which again cost money in the Indian system. The brainstorming started.  As it often happens with boards, commercials and revenue models came into picture and that is when my Boss’s imagination took over.

Each of my Boss’s ideas required him to excitedly sketch out the scenario in detail since there was no official presentation and he did this with aplomb, gestures and all. The board reacted & asked questions.

My Boss started off by saying that the outside of the van could be printed with advertisements by companies who would pay for this sustained exposure across rural markets. Consumer companies would gladly pay a premium rate for such advertising. The board beamed in appreciation.

Encouraged, my Boss was now in his elements.

He then said that a slightly larger vehicle at negligible cost could then mean that a healthcare worker could also travel and using telemedicine solutions the rural populace could get healthcare access. This way the support services cost of internet access, infotech could be shared by healthcare companies thus distributing operating cost. The board nodded with Hmm and  Ahhhs.

He further said that a small space could be created for carrying vaccines so that the capital cost could be distributed with the healthcare ministry for ensuring vaccination of the rural populace.  Such social service would mean that the banking service provider got free goodwill. The board now listened with wariness.

Nextly he said that the system could be used to educate people and run social service campaigns on various issues.  The other side of the van could be fitted with a screen and using a projector we could show social service messages/ films and the government agencies could communicate with the rural population in a focussed manner. That was the period when the silence of the then PM and the government was beginning to be felt. We could even show advertisements from fertiliser companies. He said that agriculture/ information/ rural development/ fertiliser ministries could contribute to the cost since they got captive audience every day and they had huge funds available at their disposal.  The board was now silent.  We now had created involvement of more than half a dozen ministries apart from private sector companies in our solution!!!!!.

Did we notice the drop in temperature in the conference room? Nyah, we didn’t.

He then went on to say that educating the people using various medium was critical. The van had a roof that could double up as a stage and we could depute motivational speakers and teachers who could then travel with the vehicle, stand atop the van and speak to the captive audience.  Imagining this scenario we were now giggling. Then someone said that given the rural lifestyles it might require after hours services too.

By this time mobile banking was no longer on the table.

Of course he had a solution for that too.  We could fix spot lights to the sides of the van and even in the dark the service offering could continue to be delivered.  Infact this idea was so good that these lights could be used to show off the advertisements on the outside of the vehicle. So as it travelled in the dark on the roads, people could still see them. Companies would probably pay an even higher premium for such innovation.

And now that we had a vehicle with lights, stage and all we needed to say was Sound, Camera, Action and that is exactly what my Boss did. He said that with this we could now arrange for a skit/dance/ street drama kind of stuff on the roof of the bus with lights and social service messages conveyed very effectively that would hold the audience interest.

We had now spent close to 3 hours on this meeting. Imagining a Malaika Arora from Munni Badnaam hui  my colleague said “Chalo we can even arrange for an item number on top of the bank for entertainment & collect money”. Someone else  woke up and asked “Are we planning mobile banking or mobile entertainment?”

That is when the meeting collapsed into uncontrolled laughter. I suspect that even now the Chairman and his board smile when they think of that day.  Needless to say the idea never took off though I still believe that idea is worthwhile even today – without the entertainment.